omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
