Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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