cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
