You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
