Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize