i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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