drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
