My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
