you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
