Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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