We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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