He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
