Soap is not a condiment
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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