I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
