It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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