I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
