I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
