You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Even my vagina gasped.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
