Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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