nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize