well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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