so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
