Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
