I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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