I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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