I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
