what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
