My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize