i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
