Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
