I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
