Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
