I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
