Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
