Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We are two peas in an std pod
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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