This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
