dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
