Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
