Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
