Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
