new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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