i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We left the knife in your bed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
