At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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