I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
