I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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