can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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