Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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