I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
