Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
