Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
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the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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