I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
