Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
