Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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