her vagine was all disorganized.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
