May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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