Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
