Will you blow on my dice?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
bring money and cleavage
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
