Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
