Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she looked like the before picture.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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