I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
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Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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