I never want to see another naked old woman again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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