I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
