so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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